I remember the winter day i was sitting with my children in our cozy living room and told them of our New Year's anthem. I was sitting beside my middle daughter as she lapsed into seizure after seizure. A teen son was nearby, another on the floor. Not all my kiddos were present... but enough were... for me to speak out loud and direct my thoughts towards them.
We had been in a dark time as a family. We were accustomed to dark times...and long days...and weariness...it's been part of our journey. Unanswered questions...physical infirmities...plagues of the soul and of the mind...financial pressures...and heavy, deep concerns for family members. Such is life as a Waterman.
"Kids," I declared," I have found our New Years anthem. And i began to recite the Scripture i had committed to memory.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not one of His benefits;
Who forgives all our iniquities,
Who heals all our diseases;
Who redeems our life from the pit,
Who crowns us with lovingkindness and compassion.
"We are gonna remember that one this year kids, as we travel through 2015. Let's remember that one!"
The boys heads wagged "Yes" to their mama, as their attention turned to their sister, convulsing in my arms.
...........Flip the calender forward 5 months. Spring has finally surfaced after a long winter. But i have found it can be spring on the "outside" but still Winter on the "inside". Life trots on at the pace it chooses Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall...and we plod along trying desperately to keep up.
And life can tip you backwards...even when your not expecting it...a memory, a song, a telephone call. An anniversary of an important event. Sometimes a taste or a smell can trigger a lingering memory of days gone by. Or someone can ask a question...that leads to an answer...that can only be explained...by looking back. Even going to a doctors appointment is a family history lesson these days. Ah, yes...looking back.
I am not a fan of backwards looking. There is pain in the memories. And I usually just stand there, mouth agape, staring...repeating "How in the world did i ever make it through that?" My vision gets cloudy and my thinking unclear as all i tend to see is the hard and the unfair and the ugly when i turn backwards.
And besides i have plenty of BIBLE verses that tell me NOT to look back but to keep moving forward.
But what do i do when those verses don't line up with these triggers that pull me back into another time...another place...another life?
The other morning, while on my daily prayer walk, the LORD reminded me of our families anthem for 2015...and i began to meditate on those verses again....as i walked down my country lane i recited over and over the truth of GOD's WORD found in Psalm 103...and i let it sink in to every recess of my mind....and settle into my heart...then with a bold HOLY SPIRIT determination i turned around...i looked back...i stopped on that country road...and i looked back...on purpose....and in my mind's eye i beheld my journey up to that day....i solemnly remembered wave after wave of important events that marked my path....and as i revisited those life altering milestones...i cleared my throat and spoke up loudly to the wind.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not one of His benefits;
Who forgives all of my iniquities,
Who heals all of my diseases;
Who redeemed my life from the pit,
Who crowns me with lovingkindness and compassion.
I turned back to my forward walking... and with a smile realized THAT is exactly "how in the world i made it through all" my stuff. I saw that my GOD had been with me the whole time. Pouring out forgiveness, healing, blessing, love, kindness, compassion and power in every instant, at every cross road, around every corner. My journey, as rocky as it has been, has been marked by the presence of GOD.
I squealed with delight as i turned around once again....this time walking backwards down my country road...i lifted my voiced....i pointed my finger at my backwards path, gazing at my past...and i declared out-loud "Surely goodness and mercy HAVE followed me all the days of my life!".....
Then turning forward to complete my present walk i continued, "And i shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever!"
We had been in a dark time as a family. We were accustomed to dark times...and long days...and weariness...it's been part of our journey. Unanswered questions...physical infirmities...plagues of the soul and of the mind...financial pressures...and heavy, deep concerns for family members. Such is life as a Waterman.
"Kids," I declared," I have found our New Years anthem. And i began to recite the Scripture i had committed to memory.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not one of His benefits;
Who forgives all our iniquities,
Who heals all our diseases;
Who redeems our life from the pit,
Who crowns us with lovingkindness and compassion.
"We are gonna remember that one this year kids, as we travel through 2015. Let's remember that one!"
The boys heads wagged "Yes" to their mama, as their attention turned to their sister, convulsing in my arms.
...........Flip the calender forward 5 months. Spring has finally surfaced after a long winter. But i have found it can be spring on the "outside" but still Winter on the "inside". Life trots on at the pace it chooses Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall...and we plod along trying desperately to keep up.
And life can tip you backwards...even when your not expecting it...a memory, a song, a telephone call. An anniversary of an important event. Sometimes a taste or a smell can trigger a lingering memory of days gone by. Or someone can ask a question...that leads to an answer...that can only be explained...by looking back. Even going to a doctors appointment is a family history lesson these days. Ah, yes...looking back.
I am not a fan of backwards looking. There is pain in the memories. And I usually just stand there, mouth agape, staring...repeating "How in the world did i ever make it through that?" My vision gets cloudy and my thinking unclear as all i tend to see is the hard and the unfair and the ugly when i turn backwards.
And besides i have plenty of BIBLE verses that tell me NOT to look back but to keep moving forward.
But what do i do when those verses don't line up with these triggers that pull me back into another time...another place...another life?
The other morning, while on my daily prayer walk, the LORD reminded me of our families anthem for 2015...and i began to meditate on those verses again....as i walked down my country lane i recited over and over the truth of GOD's WORD found in Psalm 103...and i let it sink in to every recess of my mind....and settle into my heart...then with a bold HOLY SPIRIT determination i turned around...i looked back...i stopped on that country road...and i looked back...on purpose....and in my mind's eye i beheld my journey up to that day....i solemnly remembered wave after wave of important events that marked my path....and as i revisited those life altering milestones...i cleared my throat and spoke up loudly to the wind.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not one of His benefits;
Who forgives all of my iniquities,
Who heals all of my diseases;
Who redeemed my life from the pit,
Who crowns me with lovingkindness and compassion.
I turned back to my forward walking... and with a smile realized THAT is exactly "how in the world i made it through all" my stuff. I saw that my GOD had been with me the whole time. Pouring out forgiveness, healing, blessing, love, kindness, compassion and power in every instant, at every cross road, around every corner. My journey, as rocky as it has been, has been marked by the presence of GOD.
I squealed with delight as i turned around once again....this time walking backwards down my country road...i lifted my voiced....i pointed my finger at my backwards path, gazing at my past...and i declared out-loud "Surely goodness and mercy HAVE followed me all the days of my life!".....
Then turning forward to complete my present walk i continued, "And i shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever!"