"Dang freakin' rabbit kids...holy freakin' cow dog, where's my pen?"...i spoke without looking up.
"Mom," sighs Josiah, "There is no one in this car but me and you. No one took your pen."
"I'm not so sure about that son...first there is probably someone hiding in here somewhere. An secondly, i know i had a pen in this purse. Dang freakin' rabbit kids!"...i re-state.
"Mom, you can't always blame everything on your kids"
"Really? Well i beg to differ. There are way more of you than there is of me...so by simple statistics...chances are it was one of you."
"Okay....you do realize, mother, that you use animal names and throw dang and freakin' in front of them to place blame on all of your kids, right?"
"Yes," i quip, "I am aware of that."
"And you do realize you blame your kids for pretty much everything, right?"
"Pretty much everything might be an overstatement Josiah...usually you guys are the ones to loose my stuff."
"Not just lose your things mom....everything!"
"Alright, like what?"..i say.
"Okay," he takes a breath and begins......
"When you stub your toe....Dang freakin' rabbit kids, holy freakin' cow dog."
"When the coffee pot boils over...Dang freakin' rabbit kids, holy freakin' cow dog."
"When the phone rings and you don't wanna talk...Dang freakin' rabbit kids, holy freakin' cow dog."
"When the mails late....Dang freakin' rabbit kids, holy freakin' cow dog."
"Okay, okay, okay...you got me there."
Silent moment.
"Josiah, can i confide in you? .... Wait, how old are you now?"
"I'm 19, mom."
"Okay, yes then...can i confide in you?"
"Sure, mom."
"I have this fear Josiah...this fear that i'm gonna be standing on stage preaching to a couple hundred woman...and i bend over a little...and my glasses fall off of my head...and without realizing it...i stammer into the microphone...'Dang freakin' rabbit kids, holy freakin' cow dog!' "....
"That's a reasonable fear," He answers...."AND IT WOULD SERVE YOU RIGHT."...He says slowly and enunciated.
I sigh a big sigh and slump further into my seat. I glance out the window. And sigh another sigh to be sure he heard me.
"I guess i'm just a horrible mom."...i say in a dreamy sing songy voice.
Then to prove that i'm thinking about it i press my finger to my mouth.
That's when i realize how chapped my lips are...
and i reach into my purse with one hand and begin to rummage around.....
"Dang freakin' rabbit kids, holy freakin' cow dog...where's my chap stick!"