I was quietly in thought, debating my options, when a middle aged man, sat down beside me and lifted a magazine to his eyes. I paid him no mind, other than to glance "hello" as my mind was elsewhere.
What to do...what to do...about this problem. My brain cells collided whilst i thunk hard.
Suddenly i had an idea. A pretty good one too. And i broke my thinking silence as i turned to that fella sitting besides me...and exclaimed to him...looking directly into his magazine filled eyes, "I have a thought."
This man slowly lowered his reading material...turned to me with a sideways glance...and repeated, "You have a thought?"
"Yes," I replied "I have a thought."
We both just looked at one another for a moment.
Then i dreamily drifted back into my thinking plan... strategizing in my mind how i was going to get a bunch of hungry kids, 40 minutes home, on a snowy day. And that man...we'll, i think he scooted away from me and kept reading his article..being sure to never make eye contact again.
Since i am kinda random by nature..and pretty much oblivious....i didn't realized how "weird" that may have been for the poor fella. My kids and i still laugh a lot...about the day mom turned to a total stranger...held her finger high up in the air...and declared..."I have a thought."
Fast forward several years. Now i am a mama who has 9 children, 2 grands...and have a growing ministry. I work hard at life...and life works hard at me. I write and speak and preach and pray and praise and prophesy... in addition to my role as single mama...the only parent in our home. I constantly struggle with the "how to do it all" parts of being me...and never want to leave one job undone for another.
I have walked though plenty of life assignments wondering if i were sacrificing home concerns for ministry. I have entered a great deal of open doors to speaking and teaching opportunities that i had to drag myself through... because the pressures at home that morning were mounting...and how could i be here...instead of there?
I clearly remember one such morning. I was on a mission from the LORD to teach at a ladies Bible study. I had said "Yes" to a series of summer teachings...and this was the next stop. I knew GOD wanted me here. I knew this was in the plan. But life doesn't stop hitting you in the face cause your on assignment from JESUS. And life had been hitting hard. I went to the study that morning without anyone knowing the "whats-going-on-in-kim's-life" version of me....cause that gets old fast...and that wasn't part of my assignment anyway. I was there to bring a WORD to those ladies...a WORD of life and hope to the hearers...who all had their own versions of life's stuff.
The WORD was good that day..and it was solid...one can't go wrong when one teaches from the Scriptures...and sticks to what GOD says. And my life experiences added just the right amount of color that the ladies needed to make it real...from a real JESUS girl...in a real life...with real struggles...and a real hope...for a real world.
As i was preaching along that morning i was doing fine...lost in my passion for preaching the WORD...i payed no attention to my long list of worries that would meet me once i said "Amen."....but something different happened that morning that had never happened before. That long list of earthly concerns for me and my kids appeared suddenly before my eyes.
And i immediately got stuck.
Stuck in the moment.
Stuck in fear.
I gasped.
I froze.
Now on that list were real concerns. They were happening, not imaginary fears. Some urgent concerns.
Some heart breaking concerns. Some waiting for the doctors (plural) return phone call concerns.
Some "I-don't-believe-this-is-actually-my-life-concerns"....
To me, at least, time stood still... it was like slow motion...i could see all the faces of my beautiful ladies looking up at me...but i could not speak...i was to overwhelmed with my "other" job...my life.
And at that moment, in my time, and in my space, i heard by the SPIRIT, a voice beside me...that turned to me...with a smile and a laugh...and said "I HAVE A THOUGHT."
I knew instantaneously what that meant. Relief poured down over my head. Peace encircled me and gave me a big hug. My JESUS had been sitting next to me all morning long...pondering the difficulties of my life...HE had been arranging the details and making a plan for all the items on my worry list....and HE HAD A THOUGHT! And if HE was thinking about it...i didn't have to. I was free to be and to do what i was called to do...minister, with absolute confidence...to the glory of GOD. And that is just what i did.
Not one lovely lady seemed to notice my pause that day. No one even knew what i was talking about when i mentioned it. The gap in my teaching went unobserved by all. Unnoticed by all but me... and my JESUS... who in HIS perfect randomness... that has captured my heart...spoke in a love language that only i would understand...."I HAVE A THOUGHT."