We were all ready and set. I had the kids figured out. I had borrowed a reliable car. I had rearranged my finances so this was gonna be do-able. And I had check lists written with everybody’s name neatly penciled on them. In just a couple hours we would be heading out.
Step 1...check.
Step 2...check.
Step 3...check.
Step 4...go have an ablation of the heart, with my kid Noah...no check.
We had waited for months for this scheduled procedure. This was a good and necessary procedure to locate the arrhythmia in my kid’s heart…and blast that re-entry circuit out of there. The idea is to eliminate this abnormal pathway, that would at times, cause Noahies heart to whip out beats to the tune of 220 a minute!
The specialist had scheduled a 6 hour procedure that I had learned to be fairly familiar with. Two (out my other 9 kiddos) had also been through this procedure, when they were just about Noahies age. It wasn’t fun then. It wouldn’t be fun now. But it was a good thing to do, in a good hospital, with good skilled doctors…. Check, check, check.
As a single momma of lots of kids I make lots of check lists...every day. And all of those check lists are located on “My Brain”….a clipboard, loaded with papers, that sits a top my kitchen counter. “My Brain” has proved to be way more reliable than the brain in my greying head. If an item is on a list on “My Brain”…it will get done…. Check, check, check.
But, alas and alek, as much a this good mama prays and plans and prepares, she suddenly find herself wheeling around a sharp curve heading into a U turn. Blah!
My kid gets a head cold. It’s not that big of a deal. In a large family with way -more –bigger- health problems than a cold, I hesitate to even call the Dr. I drag my feet. Yet, the good mama in me decides to make the call anyway “just to be sure.”
I swear I didn’t exaggerate. If anything I was very nonchalant. I wanted this operation. And I wanted it now. As planned on “My Brain”…on my check list.
After 2 phone conversations with the Specialist I hear “Well, Mrs. Waterman, we have decided to reschedule. It would be the better thing to do. We will call you back with another appointment.” Blah again!
That’s not what my brain says! That isn’t even an option on my list! I can’t check off rescheduled, cause rescheduled aint there!
The emotions of change are very real. Big change or little change. Especially when change is sudden. When change is unexpected. When change is not on the check list.
But there it is (again) change of plans plopped smack dab down in front of my face, splattering its remains all over “My Brain” and gooping up my check list.
A big glop of change dribbles into my brain. My greying head brain. And drains though my cerebral lobe like water through sand.
My greying head brain doesn’t like change. Never has. Chances are it never will.
As my already-set-in-one-direction-that-I waited-a-long-time-for brain begins to process this U turn it slips off the road and stalls. The thoughts in my brain aren’t pretty. They are sad. They are confused. They are tired. They are spent.
Funny thing…how when ONE dribble of change, invades my brain cells…it grows and changes and morphs into a hundred more “change is hard” thoughts and throws me into a tizzy. A big tizzy. I suddenly remember how hard and stressful my life can be. I recall some very specific changes that have taken place in my life. I ponder how those changes occurred. I reminisce on the pain of change. The fear of change. I sense again the I -cant -breathe choking sensation of pain.
So here I am again. Stalled on the side of the road half way thru a U turn.
But hold on a minute. Something new is happening here! What’s this? I hear my engine. It’s still running. I may be stalled but I’m not dead. I still got battery within me. I still got some life left. Some U- turning to do. A path to get back onto so everybody behind me, who’s following me, doesn’t run off the road and stall too.
And I decide, right then and there, by the grace of GOD, to take that goop of change, and speak to it. Instead of letting it do all the talking to me.
Hhmmhhh…I clear my throat. And I speak aloud to change. “Yes, this is stinky. I agree. And it wasn’t on “My Brain.” Disappointment is hard. Disappointment is heavy. But I can feel the weight of disappointment and not let its weight crush me. It’s okay. Though all the many, many changes in my life...GOD has been faithful. He has been there. He has never left me. Change may leave me stranded on the side of the road but JESUS never has. He has helped me every step of the way. And HE will help me again. This isn’t the end of me. It’s not the end of my kid. It’s not the end of the road. It’s a U-turn. And I can do U-turns. The scripture and experience tell me that. So change, scream if you must, morph if you will. But you can’t divide and conquer this time. My GOD is using this change for my good, just like HE has every other change in my life. So hear this loud and clear….you, oh change, are gonna be good for me.”
All of a sudden I feel a jolt. I sense forward movement beneath me. My wheels are turning and there I go. I’m back on the road and completing this U-turn! I continue forward, back to the starting point. Back to the check list. Back to the beginning. Back to “My Brain.” Back to plans to be made and arranging to do. That wonderful, fabulous, nifty thing….I look around at the scenery and I notice that I am actually so much further down the road of my life’s journey than I have ever been before.
MAN MAY MAKE HIS PLANS BUT THE LORD DIRECTS HIS STEPS………Proverbs 16:9
I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU…Hebrews 13:5
I KNOW THE PLANS THAT I HAVE FOR YOU SAYS THE LORD, THEY ARE PLANS OF GOOD AND NOT OF EVIL TO GIVE YOU A FUTURE, A HOPE AND A BETTER END THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE….Jeremiah 29:11
HE HOLDS MY TIMES IN HIS HAND AND ALL MY WAYS….Daniel 5:23
GOD HAS ASSIGNED ME MY PORTION AND MY CUP….Psalms 16:5
Step 1...check.
Step 2...check.
Step 3...check.
Step 4...go have an ablation of the heart, with my kid Noah...no check.
We had waited for months for this scheduled procedure. This was a good and necessary procedure to locate the arrhythmia in my kid’s heart…and blast that re-entry circuit out of there. The idea is to eliminate this abnormal pathway, that would at times, cause Noahies heart to whip out beats to the tune of 220 a minute!
The specialist had scheduled a 6 hour procedure that I had learned to be fairly familiar with. Two (out my other 9 kiddos) had also been through this procedure, when they were just about Noahies age. It wasn’t fun then. It wouldn’t be fun now. But it was a good thing to do, in a good hospital, with good skilled doctors…. Check, check, check.
As a single momma of lots of kids I make lots of check lists...every day. And all of those check lists are located on “My Brain”….a clipboard, loaded with papers, that sits a top my kitchen counter. “My Brain” has proved to be way more reliable than the brain in my greying head. If an item is on a list on “My Brain”…it will get done…. Check, check, check.
But, alas and alek, as much a this good mama prays and plans and prepares, she suddenly find herself wheeling around a sharp curve heading into a U turn. Blah!
My kid gets a head cold. It’s not that big of a deal. In a large family with way -more –bigger- health problems than a cold, I hesitate to even call the Dr. I drag my feet. Yet, the good mama in me decides to make the call anyway “just to be sure.”
I swear I didn’t exaggerate. If anything I was very nonchalant. I wanted this operation. And I wanted it now. As planned on “My Brain”…on my check list.
After 2 phone conversations with the Specialist I hear “Well, Mrs. Waterman, we have decided to reschedule. It would be the better thing to do. We will call you back with another appointment.” Blah again!
That’s not what my brain says! That isn’t even an option on my list! I can’t check off rescheduled, cause rescheduled aint there!
The emotions of change are very real. Big change or little change. Especially when change is sudden. When change is unexpected. When change is not on the check list.
But there it is (again) change of plans plopped smack dab down in front of my face, splattering its remains all over “My Brain” and gooping up my check list.
A big glop of change dribbles into my brain. My greying head brain. And drains though my cerebral lobe like water through sand.
My greying head brain doesn’t like change. Never has. Chances are it never will.
As my already-set-in-one-direction-that-I waited-a-long-time-for brain begins to process this U turn it slips off the road and stalls. The thoughts in my brain aren’t pretty. They are sad. They are confused. They are tired. They are spent.
Funny thing…how when ONE dribble of change, invades my brain cells…it grows and changes and morphs into a hundred more “change is hard” thoughts and throws me into a tizzy. A big tizzy. I suddenly remember how hard and stressful my life can be. I recall some very specific changes that have taken place in my life. I ponder how those changes occurred. I reminisce on the pain of change. The fear of change. I sense again the I -cant -breathe choking sensation of pain.
So here I am again. Stalled on the side of the road half way thru a U turn.
But hold on a minute. Something new is happening here! What’s this? I hear my engine. It’s still running. I may be stalled but I’m not dead. I still got battery within me. I still got some life left. Some U- turning to do. A path to get back onto so everybody behind me, who’s following me, doesn’t run off the road and stall too.
And I decide, right then and there, by the grace of GOD, to take that goop of change, and speak to it. Instead of letting it do all the talking to me.
Hhmmhhh…I clear my throat. And I speak aloud to change. “Yes, this is stinky. I agree. And it wasn’t on “My Brain.” Disappointment is hard. Disappointment is heavy. But I can feel the weight of disappointment and not let its weight crush me. It’s okay. Though all the many, many changes in my life...GOD has been faithful. He has been there. He has never left me. Change may leave me stranded on the side of the road but JESUS never has. He has helped me every step of the way. And HE will help me again. This isn’t the end of me. It’s not the end of my kid. It’s not the end of the road. It’s a U-turn. And I can do U-turns. The scripture and experience tell me that. So change, scream if you must, morph if you will. But you can’t divide and conquer this time. My GOD is using this change for my good, just like HE has every other change in my life. So hear this loud and clear….you, oh change, are gonna be good for me.”
All of a sudden I feel a jolt. I sense forward movement beneath me. My wheels are turning and there I go. I’m back on the road and completing this U-turn! I continue forward, back to the starting point. Back to the check list. Back to the beginning. Back to “My Brain.” Back to plans to be made and arranging to do. That wonderful, fabulous, nifty thing….I look around at the scenery and I notice that I am actually so much further down the road of my life’s journey than I have ever been before.
MAN MAY MAKE HIS PLANS BUT THE LORD DIRECTS HIS STEPS………Proverbs 16:9
I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU…Hebrews 13:5
I KNOW THE PLANS THAT I HAVE FOR YOU SAYS THE LORD, THEY ARE PLANS OF GOOD AND NOT OF EVIL TO GIVE YOU A FUTURE, A HOPE AND A BETTER END THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE….Jeremiah 29:11
HE HOLDS MY TIMES IN HIS HAND AND ALL MY WAYS….Daniel 5:23
GOD HAS ASSIGNED ME MY PORTION AND MY CUP….Psalms 16:5